so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
You and your dick were a topic of high regard tonight
One day when i undoubtedly need an intervention please let it include lightsabers.
I think I can handle that.
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