And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
you start one little fire by the lake and the police want to talk to you all night...
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Does your balding hurt less when a 19 year old holds your hand?
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
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