I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Lets just say I chased with a burrito.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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