There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I chugged a beer while I was riding him and he told me it was the sexiest thing he has ever seen. this guy knows class when he sees it.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
YOU TRIED TO SWIM IN HER FISHTANK. I don't think she's going to call you.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
Randomize
