apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I know you're on vacation but you should know I just walk of shamed through a hotel lobby while leaving a threesome on Friday the 13th. Fuck superstition, I win.
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
