I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
Randomize