She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
I just found out why they dont make table-dance tables out of glass.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
you will always have a special place in my vag
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Randomize
