i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
Just kicked a guy in his penis in order to win a dance contest on Bourbon....desperate.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I just took a shit with a lightsaber in my hand. Dreams fulfilled.
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
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