Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
We're keeping you on a leash this Saint Patrick's Day
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
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