do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It's like someone is grabbing my scrodum with pliers and just hanging there.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
WHY ARE THERE SO MANY BURPS IN MY SMALL, INCREDIBLY ATTRACTIVE BODY
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
I masterbated to his instagram page. Too far or....?
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize