There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
I wish costco sold astroglide.
i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
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