I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Girls should come with a carfax report
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
