I am in a vortex of obligation.
Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
