so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
You know for a guy who frequently jumps into stuff without thinking it through, your can do spirit is lacking on this one
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
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