Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
We are NOT roofying him just to get him to pass out so we can build a masive snow cock in his yard.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
What happened last night and why am I partially covered in queso?
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Was not aware that standing loudly up off the couch and loudly, drunkenly slurring "I'M EIGHTEEN NOW BITCHES" counted as a primitive mating call.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Randomize
