In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
HE HAS A FUCKING TWIN. HE HAS A TWIN. I'M NOT DRUNK THERE IS TWO OF THEM.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Im rolling face in a pizzeria. I want to be with people who love me.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I was "singing along to the Lego Movie" high. Everything was not awesome
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
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