??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
The security guard told you that the room was off limits and you just looked at him and said,"Its okay, I have a beard".
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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