Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
There's a girl in class eating a pumpkin pie. Like a whole pie straight from the pan with a fork.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
His roommates are gone so we had sex in every room of the house and watched the wire. What have you done today?
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
Randomize
