I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
There's hope in those eyes, for a better tomorrow or more cocaine, we may never know, but there's hope.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
