i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
yea man just watch out- theres a shitload of broken glass in your bed
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I still don't like him. I'm also filled with alcohol, so I'll revisit the statement in the morning.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
