Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
Randomize