it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
Some great men died of syphilis. I accept your compliment.
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
Why is there ANOTHER stolen fire extinguisher in my room? You know that's a felony right...
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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