Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I drank enough to tranq a steed. You really missed out
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
