OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Hooked up with another cop last night. Think I am renaming my vagina "dispatch"
Randomize
