Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
Randomize
