oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
I'm sad we weren't friends when I went through my "I like drugging my friends" phase
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
Randomize
