he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
HE'S turngign 18teen real soon.k
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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