I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
There are walks of shame and then there are walks of what the hell is wrong with you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
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