Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She must've been waiting down the street cause after I said I specialized in inner-thigh-face-massage it couldn't have been 2 minutes until she was on my couch.
She invited me to Bikini Yoga with her friends. Sounds promising.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
I don't think he knows you can have sex sober...
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
So here I am, sexting at work.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
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