drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
He had a small dick and screamed "I will kill you if you don't get hard" to it in German...awkward time to have to explain I speak German too...
This is why you need to stop sleeping with freshmen.
Randomize
