So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
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