I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
I don't remember. I think I elluded to the fact that I would buy him a dildo for his birthday.
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
the hole that the tears left- fill it with pizza
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I just woke up with a cowboy hat on my face and a playboy from the 90s on my chest
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