he thought i was a dude.
woke up and she was making me crepes. definitely not the last time i fuck a culinary student
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
Randomize
