I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
She walked in on her brother jacking off and she hasn't been the same since. She's been crying and shaking non-stop. It's been two weeks.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These girls just walked into this party as reverse cowgirls... Wearing cowboy clothes all backwards
There's that certain point at night when you start saying things like s'mores should be used in foreign relations. I reached it.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
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