He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
He screamed for everyone to hide, unplugged the music, then talked to the cop. Last I saw he was high fiving him...
He's the fucking cop whisperer.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Shoot me. I need tickles, a drink, sushi and a handy
Order is debatable
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I didn't know where you were for like 15 minutes and then I went in the bathroom splashing water on the mirror and throwing hand towels around saying that you were "redecorating"
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
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