What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
took over 12 bombs tonight and we still aren't hooking up. Wait how am I functioning
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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