you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Only now do I see "not intended for use on skin" warning. Wonderful. But hey, my dick smells like magic marker.
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
she was like the girl next door.. if you lived next door to a whorehouse
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
You took a bar mat shot.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
Randomize
