My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
its 4th on my favorites list. 1. butt sex 2. mini skirts 3. three meat pizza rolls 4. fuck the pain away by peaches
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Her parents came home early, i had to hug her mom with a condom on...
I woke up to her staring at me in a corner moaning over and over again about how good the pie crust tasted
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
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