census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
When I say rough sex, and show you scars from past encounters, pulling my hair a little IS NOT GOING TO CUT IT. And he just doesn't understand.
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
Bring a bathing suit for the glitter slip n slide
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
