party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I want you more than these girls want KFC
the Monday before Thanksgiving is not a Monday at all. Just Thursday in Monday suit.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
he turned two sober chicks into 7 drunken girls...he's my hero
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
I'm just now realizing I've slept with guys from three different decades over the past year. That's gotta be some sort of record.
Randomize
