I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
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I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
when seducing a hipster, do you think taking a nude pic on a lomo-camera app would increase my chances? grainy off-colored boobs and telling him how much i like reading salinger?
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Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
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