Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn