they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
i felt like cinderella. except at midnight i turned back into a whore.
Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
