I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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