I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
Randomize
