Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
I can't see straight with both eyes and ive only been at the bar for an hour. Someone else typed this for me.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
i out mim tonsoeep
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
