He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
She passed out in my bed last night before anything happened. She felt really bad about that, so she gave me head when we woke up this morning.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
Randomize
