Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
There is still throw up in my sink from before break. God I missed this place
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
This is my second month of college and all I've learned is how to get a guy to go down on me without asking out loud and not to chase everclear with Smirnoff ice.
Essential life skills
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
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