fuck the hobbit
what about unicorns?
fuck those pointy horses
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I thought pig tail meant you were suppose to grab on to it when getting BJ
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I made him an O's fan. One pic of my tits coming out of a Baltimore shirt and it was done.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Randomize
