return my video game
she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
Randomize
