Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.
I'm out of town so we should be golden.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
