my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
YAS. BRING CRAB.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
