I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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