Plan A DEFINITELY worked... Go with me to get Plan B??
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
I want a calm night. Not one where I wake up to you topless and bloody.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
