So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
My wife says its no good to have oral sex during pregnancy. So i guess pregnancy is like regular life.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I need you to promise me that the first one to find out our kids smoke weed, takes the weed so we can smoke it ourselves
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
From now on I forbid you to refer to it as a "bed". From now on you must only use the phrase "sex wagon".
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
Randomize
