so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
i didn't know you could wash puke off of bras with a dishwasher.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
His drunk text included an attempt at quoting a Nyquil bottle in MLA format
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
he kept yelling THIS ISNT AMATEUR HOUR
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
Randomize
