he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Is there a subtle way to tell him he needs to hydrate? 8 years of yoga and kegels. He has no idea what I’m going to do to him this weekend
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
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