Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
It's one of the many facets of my drunken alter egos. I'm like substance abuse batman.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
He just whispered "doors are weird" and then laughed so hard he fell down the stairs.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
I masterbated to the rocky theme song. I'm pretty sure that just beat any sex experience I've ever had.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
