Tonight I think I'm going to go out with a french braid so I don't wake up with puke hair. Thoughts?
And your mom thought you weren't even thinking about your future... she would be proud
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
No. I do not want to discuss your lesbian tendencies with my sister.
She still started it.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
Normally I would go for him, but there's just way too much vodka under the bridge for that
I love it. Like, more than my penis at the moment.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
