ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I feel like my nuva ring should have a vibrating switch.
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
Is it bad that I see a party full of girls I know he has fucked as a challenge for me to be the one who ends up in his bed?
I'm bringing vagina and cookies. You'll be fine.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
So the " I'm gay but curious" thing worked. You owe me 50 bucks.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Randomize
