this just has baby written all over it
Babe, the 4 years we've been together have been amazing. Will you marry me?
are you seriously doing this over text message
hahaha no, but i am dumping you.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
