My whole home page is your drunken face booking, congrats.
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
You shouldn't play strip poker when you're having a wet fart kind of day.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
I just realized I'm not wearing clothes. I think my pants may be in the kitchen but I have no idea where my shirt is. I'm kinda worried.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
