forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
And then my night got REAL pukey
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I already popped my bottle of Rose and took my boxers off. No can do muchacho
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