My first STD was from a foam party
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
I need a fuck buddy with more available hours
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize
