If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
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