fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I woke up covered in his pee. And then he poked me on Facebook.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Is it disrespectful or patriotic to pole dance on an american flag pole?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
Randomize
