2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
47 days without vaginal penetration. Im pretty sure it's grown over.
Do you realize that if your cunt was a missing person it would be assumed dead?
Just invented taco cereal.
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Stealing, and booze. If only you added meaningless sex with random people you would have wrapped all your life passions together
STOP FUCKING TELLING PEOPLE ABOUT THAT TIME THAT GUY CAME ON MY FACE WHILE I WAS ASLEEP!!!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Randomize
