Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
I'll be listening to "I will always love you" and sobbing uncontrollably all night, care to join?
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
