Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Let's just say he sent me a picture of his dick and I was more impressed with the collection of video games he had in the background...
I AM THERE IN SPIRIT, TICKLING YOUR BALLS
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
Randomize
