at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
i'm covered in glitter and body paint WTF
We're showing the video later bring pizza
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
Randomize
