i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
We opted you as the sacrificial dick tonight. We need our patron cafe. Go make some moves.
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
Got paid 100 bucks to babysit a kid for five hours while hungover. I slept the whole time and threw up twice. Yes 100 bucks.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just did a bump with my mom so I’d sober up for Black Friday shopping
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
