You drinking a lot?
No.
Define a lot
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I sent the random girl I had sex with last night a 'happy mothers day' text as a reminder to get the morning after pill.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
Randomize
