Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
They nicknamed me the gargoyle. Sex with me is getting gargoyled. The last one I fucked yelled "gargoyle me" for dirty talk. I think fucking me is part of their pledging initiation. Somewhat OK with this.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
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