Capitaan dildo arrescate!
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
OK... But I need to shower first because I'm covered in stuff I definitely shouldn't have slept in
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
